i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
