mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
