Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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