You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He better not be in your backpack
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
