I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
