if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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