i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
