y did u give ur computer a hand job?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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