So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
