have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
