I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
