He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wear drunk well.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
