thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
