My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
