i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
