Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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