He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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