I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
