Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
