Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
