PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
