I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
