i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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