Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
worst night to have a conscience
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
