So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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