Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
