Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
