he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
