May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
