Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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