so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
