I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
