I cockslap morals
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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