yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
