dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
