i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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