dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The Olympian is in my bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
