Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
