her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
