Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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