I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
