the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
