all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drake has all the answers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
