walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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