I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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