he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
