I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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