It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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