Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
