don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
