Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
