So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
