We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
