I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
