So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
